Bloodier Than Alice [entries|friends|calendar]
dumb and colorblind

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this is a sort of sad state of affairs [04 Jul 2009|09:37pm]
writing here again. no one notices anyway, which is excellent.

i saw pictures of a friend somewhere. and it made me sad. there was a little pang that i couldn't explain, looking at the tanned, weather-beaten smile.

lines cannot be crossed. i knew that from the start. this one more so.

it'll be gone soon enough.

truth is, i'm still waiting [07 Jun 2009|10:32pm]
 sad fact: you're not going to come around.

this is me being honest with myself. i want to talk to you, but i have nothing to say. business talk, maybe. but not much else.
 
i think that talking about it helps to some extent, but most of the time, i don't know... i hardly pass off as believable. what i want, really, is to be unselfish and nonjudgemental about all this. to be empathic, but guarded. i know it sounds conflicted, but that's what i want.

i think maybe it's no good talking about it at all.
 

dis. jointed [14 Sep 2008|12:07am]
how shall i say this. where do i even start.
i guess this is the state i am in: words are trying to leave my mouth and they fail utterly, they fall like dead leaves and rotten twigs. what, really, what more can i say? this is not an axe you've dropped. this is a line you cut and you kept me hanging. but i should've seen it coming. this is a disfiguring scar that ripped and bled. this is me in the wind, severed.

i can't begin to ask if i still matter. a question that never bears answering.

i can spell traitor with my fists against a blank wall, but what good would that do?

there was a road and on that road was a fork, a turn.  i should've known we weren't riding an endless highway under an eggshell sky.

so this is how it goes. we fall flat. just like this.

hellz why. [10 Feb 2008|08:02pm]
this is the second time. a glance shot is an arrow shot.
we can't go on like this.

or can we.

An t-éan bán - Clann Zu [28 Jan 2008|11:15pm]
An t-éan bán ag eitilt gan stró as do bhéal. Agus mise I mo sheasamh faoi do sholas géar. Na síoda ag titim barr do theanga. Níl mé abalalta na focail ceart a rá leat.
Ba mhaith liom na sléibhte is airde a dhreapadh agus na focail a bhéicil amach os cionn na scamaill is airde. Nior fagadh na focail agam. Grá mór, grá fior, grá an domhain, is é an grá is laidir. Tá mé I ngrá leat.


... )
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the cult of contradiction/today is opposite day [28 Jan 2008|09:48pm]
[ music | 15 Step - Radiohead ]

oh.

don't tell me it's happening again.

and please wipe off that smug grin off your face, keet. doesn't suit you.

BUT FUCK YEAH THAT'S AWESOME.

the normalcy is nauseating [27 Jan 2008|10:12pm]
this is sad.

the sunday funnies [27 Jan 2008|10:05pm]
[ music | I Could Be Dreaming - Belle and Sebastian ]

you know when you're grown up when you recognize a situation that's happening and you know for sure what'll happen next. yeah, i wish i could tell you that it's going to be hard and the scars will hurt, but you have to learn these things yourself. i envy your naivete all the same.

spicy nuggets [21 Dec 2007|12:36am]
[ music | Cemetery Drive - My Chemical Romance ]

wow. the weird thing about theorising about romantic relationships from a non-participant's perspective is that you get to watch your theories, or what supposedly "works" get smashed down. you might as well smack me in the face and say, "no duh"--- everyone's love story is different, la la la la. i don't know. i'm so out of it.

maybe our lives are a sad cliche. and i feel trite just saying that.

nice one [16 Dec 2007|03:53pm]
[ music | Disconnect the Dots - Of Montreal ]

good, good. that's very good. reappear after two years why don't you. but it's great. it's cool because now i can't say that you damaged me again. but your reappearance made me realise that... hey, actually, it didn't make me realise anything. so you showed up. strange, but whatever.

it's not. [14 Dec 2007|11:02pm]
[ music | Your Ex-Lover Is Dead - Stars ]

the truth is i wasn't force-fed lies. i ate them all up, hungrily, greedily, begging for more, more, more.

so this is what [11 Dec 2007|08:19pm]
[ music | OOO - Helium ]

okay now. i feel melancholy coming on like a cold.

i wish to be more zen about everything.

this is no time for faery tales [29 Nov 2007|01:48am]
[ music | Let Down - Radiohead ]

but oh how i fucking want this. how i fucking want you, you and your oranges, your veined hands, your voice. your voice. how i love your voice. you spill flowers from your mouth and i want to catch them.

please please please please please please please.

two front teeth? [29 Nov 2007|01:18am]
what i want right now is to coast down an empty street on a bicycle and scream my lungs out.
- a saved draft.
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FUCK THIS FEELING YES? [11 Oct 2007|12:23am]
[ music | Taking Back Sunday - Your Own Disaster ]

suddenly i was a small sad child
sick with fury
i cannot unleash
yellow-mad with
(reluctant admission)
jealousy.

paranoia.
sulking, balking at all the fun
i think they're having

death to the idealist [04 Oct 2007|08:47pm]
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okay. [21 Sep 2007|05:17pm]
:(

pam para rampam pammm
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marapat lang [09 Sep 2007|04:26pm]
i can't remember your name.

what a relief.

don't mind the drunken girl [09 Aug 2007|08:56pm]

um, no [02 Aug 2007|12:15am]
you're still listening to the same old songs. )

but i am in no place to feel sorry for you.

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